The Reality of the Single Friend

I have now missed 2 #WorkItWednesdays & a Lovely Sunday…But today I’m getting on track.

Wanna know what I’ve been doing with my life? It’s really no secret, I do what I want (ok, well, between working 30+ hours a week, going to school, & doing a practicum, a lot of stress comes from “what I want”)…But, really, the point is, I’m busting my butt following my dream.

When I’m not at work/school/practicum/any number of other commitments, I get to indulge in the Disney Channel shows, the girly flicks, the chick-lit books, working on art/writing projects…really, anything I want to indulge in (For instance, tonight, while I work on the blog & job applications, I’m watching 27 Dresses; which, sometimes feels like the story of my life…) If I want to go to the gym, I go. If I want to eat out, I do it. It’s actually quite wonderful, for the most part…

So often, single people (especially girls) complain when friends pair off/marry. Now they have no time, no money, they are always with so-&-so… Sound familiar?

The chasm of friendship seems to widen with kids.

Now, I know all this from experience…At nearly 27 years old, all my best friends are married, and as of this year, will all have kids. Life changes definitely put strains or distance on the friendships, whether you live in the same city, same county, or halfway across the country, the life change alone causes the distance…

And, single people often blame the pair. But, really, it’s a two way street.

Sure, it’s the life of the married friend that has really changed – in one direction. While the single friend grows – well, in a different direction.

As a single person, our interests verses those of our married friend can be so different. Of course, each person keeps their individuality, but as a single person vs a part of a couple interests are so different:

• Singles are often still about the hunt – flirting & searching. As well as focusing on knowing who they are/what they want out of life. Meanwhile,
• Married/Paired up friends are focused on – blending two lives, getting to know one another, balancing joint finances, bringing in kids.

Really, it’s all part of the progression of friendships. So often, I’ve seen people drift away, letting friendships fade into the background. Not always, but often. And, it’s sad.

But, when so many differences come up, how do we hold on to the friendship?

• As the single person, it’s nice to give them their space. At some point the married friend will want space from their partner/kids…It’s inevitable. So, hold on to that hope 😉
• On both sides, be willing to reach out. Communication takes two people.
• If you have a friend who may be harder to connect with now, be wiling to go the extra mile (this is especially true for connecting with friends who are parents, they have a little more on their plate).

Some final notes:

If you are single, and notice that your friendship is drifting apart, don’t just blame them. Remember you have some “single person” interests your pal can’t/doesn’t share anymore. If that friend is important, hold on to the friendship. Put in the work. And don’t get hurt when/if you seem to always be the one who reaches out. Give them time to reach out as well. And, put yourself in their shoes. Remember how you feel in a relationship & how you may be if you had to blend a life with someone or begin having children.

If you are married, you may not notice the distance at first. But, please, don’t forget about your friends. They care about you, and I know you care about them as well. Don’t make them do all the work to keep the friendship. Reach out from time to time. But, also, be honest with them about your new reality, family plans, and family demands. And, as well, put yourself in their shoes. Remember what it was like to be single once friends started pairing off.

See, the reality of it all is the single friend has their own life, and it is often easier to hang out with single people. But, we can find support and community with our married friends. Friends we’ve always had and don’t want to lose from our lives. These friendships bring love into our lives and beauty into our world.