tRUTH @ 10

• I spend a lot of time acting like I have it all together & am able to get up each day and push forward…

But, the TRUTH is, I’m always exhausted.  

• I like to act like I can do everything on my own.

But, the TRUTH is, any energy I have comes from Him, because I stretch myself too thin & refuse to ask for help until I almost break. I tell people God is who is helping me, but not as often as it comes up. Not in a way that says,

“I’d likely have run myself to death like a hamster trapped on a wheel if God’s divine hand wasn’t on me…”

• I like to display my artwork & writing to encourage/touch others.

But, the TRUTH is, though I do genuinely want to encourage/touch others, I also really like the pats on the back from putting myself out there.

The other truth? I feel a bit let down when no one takes notice.

• I like to act like I work as hard as I can in school, so that I can get frustrated when things don’t go my way.

But, the TRUTH is, there is a little more I could give; I just want everyone (including myself) to think I am extremely intelligent, because, much of my identity comes from academia.

• I waited a while to break up with The Airman, believing that maybe I would change my mind; because he is an amazing & sweet guy; not wanting to give up the first real relationship I ever had; fearing I may not get another.

But, the TRUTH was, our lives were not moving in the same direction & more than that, He was not ready to lead spiritually & I wasn’t in a place to follow him. 

• I said I was heart broken over the decision.

And, the TRUTH is, sometimes, I still ache a little bit. But, it was the best choice to make, for me & him. Those closest to me know it was a tough decision to end things in my short-lived relationship. But, I don’t share that I get sad sometimes because I miss him. I don’t let them know the fear that is there that maybe no one else will want me, especially not one who is passionately in pursuit of Christ.

• I think the biggest reason I got into the field of psychology is because I want to help people & take care of others.

But, the TRUTH is, I don’t know how not to take care of others.

As I sit here tonight, I think about what I am reading today in my devotional time: RUTH.

She is a woman in the Bible many people have compared me to: Loyal, hard working, honest, dedicated, faithful, & motivated. All words others have used to describe me.

But, the TRUTH is, unlike Ruth, my motives are often extremely selfish. 

Ruth’s desire was to help her mother-in-law, to get to know the God of her mother-in-law, and to follow the laws laid out in that land.

My desire is, oh so often, to make the world think the best of me. Knowing I may not be the best to look at, but still have a lot to offer, and trying to polish that up to give the world something to look at.

Far too often, I am my own idol. I don’t need foreign gods, a golden calf, or baal on a mountain. I need look no further than my mirror to find the idol I have spent much of my life worshiping.

This is something I have to work on daily. Something I have to put off in the flesh, in order to live a life worthy of the Spirit.

“And God spoke these words… ‘you shall have no other gods before Me. You shall not make for yourselves an image in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them: for I , the Lord your God, am a jealous God…” -Exodus 20:1,2-5

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How about you? Do you have any idols that need to be put down daily, in order to walk in the Spirit?

Also, head over the the Tuesday @ 10 link up & see what others have to say about Truth.