Disappointment

Disappointment=Today I received two rejection letters. One from a job I had recently applied for and one from the magazine I was hoping would give me my first professionally published piece. 

June 2011 is upon us this week. Now, halfway through the year, I am re-evaluating things. Life is not what I had expected, not where I expected it to be by my 23rd birthday, which is just over a month away.

I have lost count of the number of doors which have closed to me, stumbling blocks in my way, and rejections that I have opened. The two I gained today add to the growing disappointment I feel in my life lately. On top of this, I am also at a crossroads in my professional life. One big decision that will cause a big change in my life no matter which road I take. Thus, making me feel both stuck and cornered at the same time!

I know the way most around me want me to go: The way of security. This is the route I have been on my whole life. However, I am unsure this is the best way to go. To go this way would be to take a temporary break from the dream that GOD has placed on my heart. For the first time in my life, I am really being forced to look at what is more important: certain earthly security or complete obedience to GOD. This is particularly hard for me, since so far it appears that He seems to have led me to many places I never expected or wanted to be. Then again:

LEAH probably never planned to be married to a man who never grew to love her.
BATHSHEBA probably never expected to be the King’s mistress, leading to the death of her husband and son.
RUTH probably never dreamed of having her husband die leaving her with little in the world.
STEPHEN probably never imagined his life ending in a stoning or PETER’s upside down on a cross.

None of these situations seem very positive, and yet each was used by GOD to expand His Kingdom.

Being in the middle of a painful spiritual growth spurt (not unlike the physical ones experienced as a kid), I don’t understand the point of all the rejection and disappointment. I don’t see how it plays into being able to walk in the dream GOD has revealed to my heart, but I know growth is happening . I feel my faith muscles stretching and strengthening more than ever. Though I do not see what GOD is doing, I know He is working. And, though I find myself in temporary disappointment, I look forward to being able to share my future learning and joy with you!